Saturday, October 5, 2013

Fashionista and The Frog: Dating Troubles of a Fashion Blogger

Pictures from my trip to Montreal and Drunken weekends.
As young women we have this idea that when we go to college we will meet our college sweetheart; the scholar, the jock, the potential Steve Jobs perhaps? Some women go on to accomplish this goal while the rest of us are still out here looking for Nemo. Now I get it, its 2013 and we women folk shouldn't be thinking about love lives but our careers. Unfortunately, nobody ever warns you or tells you how awkward and challenging it is to date when you leave college. College is like our prime, when else do you have the opportunity to find a man who has no kids, wife, baby mama drama etc.?  It seems to me, from personal experience, that once you leave that realm of higher learning dating is like swimming in a pool full of nails.

  1.      The Friendly Blind date: RUN! Although your best friend knows you like the back of her hand, they NEVER will find a good date/hookup/bf for you. Their intentions are good but usually it turns out that the person is absolutely nothing like you expected and are different than what you expected. For example, a good friend of mine had been trying to hook me up with someone for years. Constantly asking me what my dating standards and requirements were I finally folded and told her. NOW listen up kids, the individual was pretty much everything I look for; good job, college educated, single, and no offspring. BUT when we met I felt utterly disappointed, not only did the individual not look like their picture, but was the total opposite of me. In order to cope I got completely hammered and made out with said individual (along with another person I met at the bar) which made me gain a stage five clinger. Despite my clear disinterest this person continued to contact me, take me out, and buy me a fancy present.  Eventually I let them down easy which is never really easy. Lesson learned, don’t trust your friend’s with your dating life.
  1. 2.       Online Dating: Besides catfish, people never ever ever seem to be anything like what they put on their profile. They seem to leave out the MOST IMPORTANT things such as, I live with my parents, I am religious zealot, and I have a child. I won’t say online dating can’t be successful; I had a good experience once.  It was my first interracial experience with an Asian man and it was beautiful, but that’s a whole other topic. My main problem with online dating is you never know what you’re getting until you meet up. For example, I went on a lunch date with an individual I met on Ok! Cupid. From their profile I learned that they were college educated, vegan, into fitness, had a steady income, and they were FINE! So I waited for them at the bar, they were twenty minutes late, and then when they walked in I nearly fell off my chair. This possibly couldn't be who I was meeting. Not only were they late but they were fat (unlike the picture), a receding hairline (LeBron?), and the worst teeth I ever seen (they did have braces though). Immediately I put on game face and said “You’re late!” Surprisingly the date went well for most of the meal until they divulged that they were a 10 per-center (wtf? Is that), a Black radical (who believes that Blacks should marry Blacks only and went on to say I don’t count because I am mixed), never finished college (why even lie), and lastly gave me a lecture on my Blackness. Talk about the date from hell. Lesson learned: you should probably avoid online dating unless you enjoy meeting radicals and complete nut-jobs.
  1. 3.       The Older Man: Older men are my kryptonite. George Clooney, Richard Gere, or Patrick Dempsey; salt and pepper hair just does it for me. Age isn't a problem for me, I enjoy the age gap. I’m rather cultured and enjoy spending time with someone who has the same tastes as I, which is usually 27 and older ( occasionally I find myself drooling over the super cute college freshman).  The main thing to be wary of when dating older men is married men and divorced men with young children; they are tricky fellows to spot at times but you will know. To make a long story short, finding a genuine older man is just as challenging as finding a genuine man in your age range. One fine summer day I met a man at the beach. He was cute, Italian, a little short but he was pretty jacked. Turns out he was 40, but I wasn't discouraged. He didn't have a wedding band on so I gladly took his number down. Over the next few weeks we text back and forth, sent each other pictures (no nudes) and finally picked a day for the first date. It was amazing; he was such a gentleman and took me everywhere I wanted to go. At the end of the night he walked me home and had a PG kiss, maybe PG-13. The following week I barely heard from him, which made me feel like I blew it, another one gone. But, I was wrong that Friday he text me and sent me the infamous DICK PIC. I was horrified! I don’t like when any man sends me random nudes, especially after the first date! Like thank you for clearly letting me know all you want is my vajay. I gladly text him a LOL, and never spoke to him again. No wonder why he was 40, single, with no kids. Lesson learned: do not let the age gap exceed 7 years.

                My friends say I’m single because I’m picky and I have unrealistic standards. Oh I’m sorry I didn't realize being single, with no kids, and financially stable were outlandish. I guess since everybody is shouting CHIVALRY IS DEAD maybe I am a tad bit unreasonable.  Maybe I am a little shallow when it comes to physical features, but you won’t be swept off your feet by someone who clearly doesn't take care of themselves. I mean seriously, why is it okay that men expect us to have these wifely qualities when they will not tdo the bare minimum. Are you kidding?????? Clearly I’m no expert but you’ve got to give a little to take a little.
So maybe relationships shouldn’t be my priority, I have a cat, my vibrator works just fine…what more do I need? Ha, WRONG! Nothing is shittier than when every other week another college friend is engaged, married, just moved in with her boyfriend, or is in a new relationship. Excuse me while I drown myself in Pinot Grigio and watch Julia Robert’s movies. Ok, it isn’t a life crisis but it makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me? Why do all my friends have amazing partners and I keep meeting losers?
                As the resourceful individual I am I turned to Google for an answer; help for single black women. Honestly, most of the stuff I read online about why Black women are single left me absolutely confused. I wasn’t sure if I should never date black men, be less of a bitch, or lower my standards. I mean whoever writes these columns for us are just not meeting the mark. So I took my love life into my own little hands and encountered the most interesting men/ women ever. Thus, I’d like to call this all the situations young single women should probably avoid or navigate extremely carefully.

They say you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince, and maybe that’s true. I guess only time will tell. This post grad dating life is like finding a needle in a hay stack, impossible and frustrating. However, I’ll keep my hopes up, wine glass filled, and standards high because somewhere out there is my soul mate. As sappy as that sounds, I’m still a hopeless romantic despite my track record. Among all these frogs, there must be a prince.

Creep on!!


  1. I love that you are so honest about this... I really wouldn't know what to do if I started to date right now... If my current relation doesnt work I might just give up completely... I had bad experiences in the past and I feel like the dating scene hasnt change at all... I think you will find what you are looking for... And I dont think you are picky at all.. I totally agree on the 7 year gap limit =) heheh

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